Where I’ve Arrived From

I'm Abbie, and I'm a current student at All In Actors. I wanted to write this blog piece to tell everyone a bit about where I've arrived from.

I'm 23, and when I applied to this course, I had no previous acting experience whatsoever. I never took drama at school because I wasn’t brave enough. I knew I wanted to act, but I always felt embarrassed to admit it in case I wasn't any good. I always believed that you had to start young if you were serious about becoming an actor, and so the longer I left it the more I convinced myself that it was too late. I went into a form of denial and threw myself into studying English Literature at university instead, which I absolutely loved, but I still had an underlying wish that I'd done acting instead. 

I never told anyone I wanted to act, not even family and close friends, and I'm not sure why. I guess I was afraid that no one would understand, or they'd say it was an unrealistic dream. I know now that this was all low self-esteem and in my own head. I underestimated my family and friends - they have been nothing but kind, excited for me, and so supportive since I started acting. 

“I never told anyone I wanted to act, not even family and close friends.”

Yet, telling them was so hard. It felt very similar to when I came out but, weirdly, even harder. Applying for an audition with All In Actors was the first and only step I took towards pursuing acting. No one knew that I'd applied for an audition; I only told my parents after the event, and everyone else once I'd got a place. Now that everyone knows and I'm open about wanting to become an actor, I feel so much lighter. I'd built it up for so long in my head to be this huge secret and problem, which seems daft looking back. I'd encourage anyone to be more honest with loved ones, because people will always surprise you. 

The reason I finally decided to do something about it is not one I would have anticipated. Covid-19 has ensured that it's been a rough year for everyone, and having everything suddenly put on hold and with nothing else to do, lockdown forced me to think a lot about my future. I experienced heartbreak for the first time, and my mental health took the biggest knock I've experienced so far. I was not a fun person to be around to say the least. I realised that I needed to make a drastic change. 

I'd finally plucked up the courage and opened up to a loved one about my dream to act, and she pushed me to pursue it.  Her favourite quote is: "All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you, something great will come of it". It was so applicable to me and was exactly what I needed to hear. She gave me the push I needed, and every time I got scared, her quote forced me to hold it together. They were the words I muttered to convince myself to hit the send button on my application, to accept the audition invitation, to answer the incoming Skype audition call from Stephen Sobal. She got me through the whole process without even knowing it. To you, thank you so much. 

This quote has become my life motto. It is the best piece of advice I can offer. Now I'm acting, it's applicable every single day – every time "I need a volunteer" is said, every time I need to stand up and perform something in class, every time I have a wobble and start doubting my ability again. The actual standing up, those first 20 seconds, is the hardest part. The rest is easy in comparison. 

“My outlook on life has been significantly changed for the better, I feel more myself than ever.”

Thanks to All In Actors, I no longer need to mutter this quote to myself. Incredibly, it's slowly starting to turn into a gut instinct. The lessons taught here aren't just acting lessons, they're honestly the most important life lessons. These are just a few: how to get out of your head and stop overthinking, how to be more present, how to trust your instincts, how to embrace mistakes, and how to not take yourself or anyone else too seriously. My confidence has grown so much more in these first 6 weeks than I would have thought possible.

My outlook on life has been significantly changed for the better, I feel more myself than ever, and coming here has been the best decision of my life so far and we're only one half term in. I've met such inspiring people and friends for life. Most importantly, I'm never going to let age be a factor in my decision making again. It's frustrating that I held myself back for so long believing that my lack of experience mattered. It doesn't. It's never too late. 

By Abbie Atkinson